Mission: Kurama and Hiei
by atrophying mind
Summary: Botan decides that Kurama and Hiei would be happy if they were a couple. She recruits Yusuke and Kuwabara to help get them together, except, getting those two demons together is going to be much harder than they thought. YAOI later! COMPLETE
1. Mission Briefing

A/N: It's not really a Hiei/ Kurama fic as it is a plan to get them together. The main characters in this story are actually Botan, Kuwabara, and Yusuke, but Hiei and Kurama are the focus of their plan. You'll see. Just read.  
  
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X  
  
Koenma lightly tapped his fingers across his desk. He was waiting for Botan. After browsing through numerous files on demons, he realized that many demons were trying to bribe Reikai members with items of power and valuables. Surely, all Reikai members wouldn't fall for that, but two certain demons came to his mind. He tapped his fingers again.  
  
"Argh! Where is she?! The one time I don't have papers to stamp, she doesn't come! Argh! Minions! Are there any more papers that need stamping?! I'm bored! Bored! Bored! Bored!" Koenma jumped off his desk and spun on the floor like a child throwing a tantrum.  
  
"Fine. Since there's no papers to stamp, I'll just redecorate!" Koenma took the only other thing in his office, the stamp, and started to put its mark everywhere on the room. Soon, the red insignia covered almost the entire room. Only the door was unmarked. As he was about to stamp the last few inches on the door, it opened, and the stamp went right onto Botan's face. He froze in mid-air.  
  
"Ko-En-Ma-sa-ma!!" Botan screamed.  
  
"O-oh! Botan! You've finally made it!" he said, with the stamp still stuck on her face. Botan grabbed him by the waistband and threw him back into his chair. She took the sleeve of her kimono and rubbed it against her face, trying to erase the mark. Unfortunately, the red ink doesn't come off so easily.  
  
"Ano- Botan! I've called you here for a very important reason!"  
  
"Argh! The ink doesn't come off!" Botan cried.  
  
"Well, the ink is supposed to be permanent on paper." Koenma nervously says. Botan glared at him.  
  
"And what am I going to do if it doesn't come off?" Botan asked.  
  
"Oh don't worry, I've stamped Jorge with it many times, it'll come off in a week, at most."  
  
"What?! I can't float around with this on my face for a week! I'll scare away all the souls I'm supposed to pick up!"  
  
"Aw, calm down, here, eat this." Koenma says and hands her a strange looking bulb. It almost looked like an onion. Botan took it and ingested it. Soon, her face turned purple and she wanted to puke. It tasted so disgusting, but she managed to swallow it.  
  
"Ack, Koenma-sama , what was that?"  
  
"Oh, hey, it actually worked. I didn't think you'd eat it so easily."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, I received this strange food when I ordered something from the Makai. They said it got rid of all ailments and skin disorders. I didn't believe them, but hey, it got rid of the stamp!" Koenma said.  
  
"What.......... was it?" Botan wearily asked. Koenma had a huge grin on his face.  
  
"It's a very exotic treat from the deep regions of dense forests. The demons that lurk there have great health and skin. This treat is from these rare creatures."  
  
"So, what was it exactly?"  
  
"Their prostate." Koenma said calmly. Botan froze. She seized Koenma by the throat and started to choke him.  
  
"What do you mean their prostate?! How could you let me eat that?! Am I just a guinea pig for you, to eat your questionable meals?! Argh! Koenma- sama! EW!" Botan cried and tightened her grip.  
  
"Ack! Botan. Botan. Let-me-breathe." Koenma choked out. "HELP!" In a few seconds, minions rushed into the room and separated the hysterical Botan from Koenma. After he took a few breaths, he started to talk.  
  
"This is exactly why I called you here. Demons in the Makai are starting to sell exotic and strange items of power to various demons. You yourself have just experienced the horrible after-effects of these items."  
  
"I'll kill you!"  
  
"Exactly. Increased aggression amongst the demons is one consequence resulting from the sale of these items. It is our job to make sure powerful demons don't get their hands on these items."  
  
"YOU gave it to me!"  
  
"Well, Botan, I just wanted you to full experience the depth and seriousness of carrying out this mission." Koenma said. Botan was still fuming.  
  
"They are cures for skin disorders and health problems. They are not dangerous!"  
  
"Well, that was just one item they were selling. They have many more that can grant vast power and wealth. Now, let me explain the mission. The demons we are targeting to make sure that the items don't fall into their hands, are Hiei and Kurama. I know they're on our side, but I want to make sure they're happy working for the Reikai. If they're discontent, they might be tempted to buy these items. I'm not so worried about other demons, because they don't have access to the Reikai, but Hiei and Kurama do, so make sure they are happy and won't betray us." Koenma finished.  
  
"And what exactly am I supposed to do to keep them happy?"  
  
"I have full confidence in your ability to figure that out on your own." Koenma said, and gave her an encouraging smile. "Now, minions, take her outside" he ordered. The minions carried her off and threw her out of Reikai.  
  
"What? You can't just throw me out! Koenma-sama!" she cried. She banged against the door, but it was locked. It wouldn't open for her until she completed her mission. 'Fine. When I finish this mission, I'll come back and I'll make sure you pay. You can't keep me away forever....' Botan thought. She took out her oar and floated to the Ningenkai.  
  
X X X X  
  
Botan was floating around Japan, when she spotted Hiei and Kurama under a tree. Hey, they seemed pretty happy just talking to each other. An idea popped into her head. Hiei and Kurama were fine with each other, but wouldn't they be even happier if they were together, as in mates? Both humans and demons liked sex. She was sure that it was the lack of it that might cause these two demons to seek fulfillment in items of power and wealth. But wait, Youko Kurama had plenty of sex, yet he still sought wealth. But Kurama is human now, he's much easier to please than his demon counterpart.  
  
Ever since Hiei signed on the Reikai team, with Kurama's life also at stake if he did something bad, Hiei has been an obedient demon. Did that mean Hiei was already content with Kurama? She wasn't sure, but she knew Hiei felt something for Kurama, and vice versa. It was so obvious! She just had to get them to tell each other. Yes, Botan had her plan. To make sure Hiei and Kurama were happy, she just needed to get them to express their love! Oh, she never thought this would be so simple!  
  
Botan floated away from the two demons, giving them their privacy. She needed to find Yusuke and Kuwabara. She would need help carrying out the mission. She found Kuwabara at his house, studying, like a good boy. They found Yusuke sleeping in his room. Kuwabara roughly woke him up.  
  
"What the fuck? Why'd you wake me up so early? It's only noon!" Yusuke said, and crawled back under the covers. Botan took out her oar and whacked Yusuke out of bed.  
  
"Get up! This is an important mission from Koenma-sama!" Botan said.  
  
"Can't you just get Kuwabara to do it? I'm sure he's improved enough to take on whatever demon is causing trouble." Yusuke groaned.  
  
"That's right. The great Kuwabara can protect the world all on his own."  
  
"I mean, if it was any REAL problem, you would have come to me first, right?" Yusuke said.  
  
"That's rig- HEY!" Kuwabara said.  
  
"This mission doesn't involve killing of any kind." Botan said.  
  
"Aw, not another rescue mission." Yusuke complained.  
  
"Is another damsel in distress? Don't worry, I, Kazuma Kuwabara will save her!"  
  
"No, it's not a rescue mission either!" Botan said  
  
"Then what is it?" Kuwabara asked.  
  
"This has to do with Hiei and Kurama." Botan said.  
  
"I knew it! The shrimp has betrayed us, and he convinced Kurama to do so too! I should have killed him when I met him." Kuwabara said.  
  
"No! Will you two let me finish? Kurama and Hiei haven't betrayed us – yet. Our mission is to make sure they stay loyal to the Reikai." Botan finished.  
  
"What? And how are we supposed to do that?" Yusuke asked.  
  
"Well, I think that if they are happy, they will have no reason to betray the Reikai, right?" Botan said.  
  
"Well, yeah, but Kurama seems happy the way he is. But Hiei, he's another story. I mean, only blood and power would make him happy, right?" Yusuke said.  
  
"What keeps humans and demons happy?" Botan asked them.  
  
"Uh... money, power, cool items, drugs, alcohol –" Yusuke started.  
  
"NO! Love!" Botan exclaimed.  
  
"Demons can love?" Kuwabara asked.  
  
"Of course! It's only when they can't find love that they're so destructive. Few demons find love, that's why most are believed to be incapable of loving." Botan said.  
  
"Alright, so we just get them some hot chicks. Wow, this has been the easiest mission yet." Yusuke said.  
  
"Why should we find girls, when they already have someone they love?" Botan said. Yusuke gave her a weird look. He walked closer to Botan and whispered in her ear.  
  
"Kurama probably likes one of those girls in his school, but Hiei? I know he loves Yukina, but he can't have that kind of relationship with her. I mean, she's hot, but she's his sister." Yusuke whispered. Botan slammed her oar on his head.  
  
"No, hentai! Not her! They love each other!" Botan exclaimed.  
  
"What?!?! They're GAY?!" Kuwabara screeched. Yusuke didn't seem shocked.  
  
"Well, now that I think about it, it is pretty obvious. I mean, they're always together. And Hiei never seems to mind when Kurama touches him. If it were one of us, he would have killed us." Yusuke said.  
  
"What? But I thought they were just best friends." Kuwabara said.  
  
"Oh, come on Kuwa-chan. It's so apparent!" Botan said.  
  
"Well, I mean, yeah. They're always standing near each other. And they kind of look at each other all weird." Kuwabara said.  
  
"Kind of like how you look at Yukina without the drool?" Yusuke asked.  
  
"Shut up, Urameshi! Hey, wait, we're supposed to help those two....... get.... _together_?" Kuwabara asked.  
  
"Yes! If they're happy, they won't betray you. I mean, think about during battle. Would you want to fight against Hiei and Kurama?" Botan asked. Yusuke and Kuwabara pondered for a moment. They both always seemed to fight in sync with each other and their attacks can sometimes be very vicious.  
  
"Alright, Botan, we'll carry out this mission." Yusuke said.  
  
"Good! And let's do it fast so I can get back at Koenma." Botan said.  
  
"Huh?" the boys asked.  
  
"Never mind, just complete the mission."  
  
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X 


	2. Plan 1: Hot springs!

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X  
  
"Alright, boys, I'm leaving the mission to you." Botan said.  
  
"Oi. Botan, where are you going?" Kuwabara asked.  
  
"Ano- Koenma-sama asked me to do some other work for him in Reikai. I'll be back later to help you two. Good luck!" Botan said. She flew on her oar and disappeared.  
  
"BOTAN! What are we supposed to do?" Yusuke yelled. His answer was a gust of wind made by her departure. "Aw, how the hell do we get those two together?"  
  
"Setting up people is hard enough. How do we get two demons to fall in love?" Kuwabara asked. They walked around the city, trying to get ideas, but found none. After a few hours, they were tired and sat by a tree. Yusuke was ready to give up.  
  
"Fuck this! How did we end up with such a crappy mission?" Yusuke screamed. Off in the distance, the school bell rang. "Aw, school's over too. Damn, I was supposed to meet Keiko to help her pack for her trip."  
  
"Where's she going?" Kuwabara asked.  
  
"Onsen. Damn, I wanted to go peeping too." Yusuke moaned. Then an idea hit Yusuke. "Hey, why don't we go with them?"  
  
"I don't think Keiko would like that. She knows that you're a pervert."  
  
"Not perverted, just sex deprived. But she won't say anything if we bring Kurama along. We'll just tell her that he's going there to relax and we're going to hang out with him."  
  
"Why would we want to go to the onsen with Kurama?" Kuwabara asked.  
  
"Well, we'll invite Hiei too. I mean once they're naked together in hot water, they're going to fall for each other. And while they're busy, we can sneak over to the girls' bath." Yusuke snickered. He was impressed at the genius of his plan.  
  
"Why do I have to come along too? I don't want to peek at the girls."  
  
"Yukina's going with Keiko." Yusuke said. Kuwabara froze and his face turned red.  
  
"Yu-yu-yukina-san?" Kuwabara shook his head and cooled down. "No, I'm not like you, Urameshi. I, Kazuma Kuwabara, would never do something so dishonorable like that. Peeping at girls! How can you even think about something like that? I can't let you do that!"  
  
"So I guess you'll have to come to the onsen with me to make sure I don't peep, right?" Yusuke said slyly.  
  
"Uh, yeah." Kuwabara said hesitantly.  
  
"Riiiiiiiight. And while you're there, you'll help get Kurama and Hiei together."  
  
"Right, Urameshi! I'm just coming on this trip to complete this mission Koenma gave us and to protect the virtue of the young ladies!"  
  
"Whatever. You call Kurama, and I'll find Hiei. Make sure you guys meet us in front of Keiko's house tomorrow at noon." Yusuke said. With the plan in their head, they set off to put it in action.  
  
X X X X  
  
Kurama was easily convinced to go. He had always wanted to go to one. His classes were hectic and he really wanted to unwind. He was surprised when Hiei was there too. Kurama approached Hiei.  
  
"Hiei! What are you doing here?" Kurama asked.  
  
"The detective told me Yukina was going."  
  
"Oh? Is she in some kind of danger?"  
  
"The oaf is going too. Yusuke told me he plans to peep at her. I'll be sure to kill him before we even reach the springs." Hiei said.  
  
"I....... doubt it, but, I'm glad you're coming."  
  
"Hn. Fox, why are you here?"  
  
"School was so tiring. I need this trip to relax." Kurama said and stretched his arms. His shirt went up a little as he did so. In the distance, Yusuke was observing the two. 'Alright! With the way Kurama's acting, they'll be fucking by the time we reach the onsen. This was easier than I expected.' Yusuke thought.  
  
Off in the distance, some screaming could be heard. A tall figure with orange hair was running at high speed towards them.  
  
"Ah!! Don't leave without me!" Kuwabara screeched. He skidded to a stop right before the group. He took a few deep breaths.  
  
"Kuwabara, what the hell took you so long?" Yusuke asked.  
  
"Shizuru wanted to make sure I don't slack off, so she gave me some books to read while I'm there." Kuwabara said.  
  
"Kuwabara, didn't you tell her that the point of this trip is to relax?" Kurama asked.  
  
"Well –" Kuwabara started and then saw Hiei and Kurama standing awfully close to one another. He snickered. "Well, I have another reason for going." Yusuke slapped him and they engaged in some friendly brawling. He didn't see Hiei grip his katana.  
  
"I knew it. That baka plans to peep at Yukina." Hiei said.  
  
"I'm sure that's not it." Kurama said.  
  
"Why else would he go? He said he had another reason for going other than to relax." Hiei stated.  
  
"Kuwabara's too honorable to peep. Perhaps he going to make sure Yusuke doesn't do so." Kurama said.  
  
"Hn."  
  
The group piled their luggage into two cars. Keiko's friends were driving, so the group split up so that the Reikai tantei weren't together. Keiko, Yukina, and Kuwabara were in one car. Kurama, Hiei, and Yusuke were in another. The poor girl that had to drive the car with Hiei AND Yusuke probably wouldn't have made it to the inn if it weren't for Kurama keeping them both in check. Hiei was extremely grouchy that Yukina was out of his sight.  
  
They arrived at the inn and settled into their rooms.  
  
"What the hell is this?" Hiei yelled.  
  
"What is it?" Yusuke asked.  
  
"Why is it that I have to share that room with the fox?"  
  
"Don't be so selfish, shrimp, we all have to share rooms." Kuwabara said.  
  
"It's not that we mind sharing, but why do you all have normal rooms, and we get a sleazy love suite?" Kurama asked. Yusuke and Kuwabara nervously laughed.  
  
"Well, there must be some mistake." Yusuke said. He pulled Kuwabara aside.  
  
"Don't make it so obvious!" Yusuke whispered.  
  
"I thought that room would get them in the mood." Kuwabara whispered back.  
  
"I'll get us another room, Hiei." Kurama said. He went to the front desk to change the room, but there weren't any left. Yusuke and Kuwabara snickered. They made sure they checked out all the other rooms so Kurama and Hiei would have to share one bed in the same room.  
  
It was around evening when they decided to check out the hot springs. Yusuke wanted to sneak over to the girls' spring, but Kuwabara pulled him back.  
  
"The mission first!" Kuwabara said. Yusuke grumbled. They walked over to the boys' spring. Yusuke thought they somehow found their way back to the girls' spring. Before his eyes in the spring was a hot redhead.  
  
"S-s-sorry. I thought this was the boys' spring." Yusuke said. The hot redhead turned around. It was Kurama. Yusuke froze.  
  
"No, Yusuke, this is the boys' spring." Kurama said. Kurama had his hair tied into a high ponytail. His slim figure made him look like a girl from behind. Yusuke felt so stupid. 'Damn, I thought Kurama was hot.' Yusuke thought. To their disappointment, Hiei was slouched on the other side of the spring, far away from Kurama. Dammit, they had to get Hiei closer to Kurama.  
  
Yusuke walked over to where Hiei was and sat uncomfortably close to Hiei so that he had to move closer in Kurama's direction. Kuwabara took Yusuke's lead and sat even closer to Hiei. However, instead of moving so that Hiei was sitting almost next to Kurama, Hiei got up and moved to the other side of the spring. Damn. At least Hiei was closer to him than before.  
  
They just sat there and soaked, when Kuwabara felt a piercing stare directed at him. He shivered and opened his eyes. Sure enough, a pair of ruby orbs were glaring at him.  
  
"It's a little chilly." Kuwabara said.  
  
"Hm? Really? I feel really hot." Yusuke paused. "Yeah, so hot. Are you hot, Hiei?" Yusuke felt so stupid. Such a corny line. He was sure Hiei was going to kill him for hitting on him.  
  
"What the hell are you talking about? I'm a fire demon. I'm always hot." Hiei said. Yusuke was relieved Hiei was sort of naïve.  
  
"Relax, Hiei. Don't be so tense, the spring is supposed to calm your muscles." Kurama said.  
  
"Yes, Hiei, relax your muscles. Boy, you have bulging muscles. No wonder you're so strong and fast." Yusuke said. He slapped a hand to his face. He couldn't believe how retarded he sounded. Hiei just looked at him like he sprouted three heads.  
  
"I think you need this vacation more than any of us. You sound like you're in heat." Hiei said. And with that, Hiei got up, wrapped his towel around his waist and turned to leave.  
  
"Wait! Where are you going?" Yusuke asked.  
  
"Somewhere far away from you." Hiei said. No! This wasn't going according to plan. A very naked and wet Hiei just walked out of the spring, and Kurama wasn't showing any emotion. A lithe and naked Kurama was in the spring and Hiei hadn't even looked at him. Maybe Botan was wrong. Maybe they didn't like each other.  
  
"Hiei, don't storm off now, you need to relax like the rest of us or you'll get burned out from missions." Kurama said. Hiei looked at him and walked back to the spring. Yes! Yes! Now this was more like it. Of course Hiei would listen to what Kurama said. There was hope to this mission after all. Hiei sat down further away from Yusuke – closer to Kurama.  
  
"H-hey. Why don't you massage his shoulders, Kurama?" Kuwabara said. Hiei glared at Kuwabara. But before Hiei could do anything, Kurama already had his hands on Hiei's shoulders and was working his fingers into his very tense muscles. A blush crept onto Hiei's face and he looked very uncomfortable.  
  
"Maybe Hiei will relax when we're not here." Yusuke said. "Hm. I feel like I've relaxed enough, haven't you, Kuwabara?"  
  
"Hm? Oh, yes." Kuwabara said, and they quickly left the spring to Hiei and Kurama could have some alone time.  
  
"I wonder what their problem is." Kurama said to himself. Hiei was still glaring at the direction Kuwabara and Yusuke left in.  
  
X X X X  
  
"Yes! With Kurama massaging him there's no way they won't fall for each other." Yusuke said.  
  
"He he, I know! I didn't think it would be this easy, but I guess Hiei couldn't resist Kurama." Kuwabara said. They both kept walking, but they passed their room.  
  
"Oi. Urameshi, where are we going?"  
  
"You'll see." They kept walking until they reached a sign that said "Girls' spring".  
  
"URAM-" Kuwabara started, but Yusuke covered his mouth.  
  
"Shh!! You don't want Keiko and Yukina to hear us!" Kuwabara broke from Yusuke's grasp.  
  
"What are we doing here? You can't peep on Yukina-san!"  
  
"I'm not looking for her. I just want to see Keiko!" As Yusuke's hand reached the door, they both felt like ice water was poured down their backs.  
  
'This feeling.' Kuwabara thought. 'It must mean...' He turned around and met a very angry fire demon.  
  
"So that's why you two wanted to leave the spring so early." Hiei said. "Kurama didn't think you two would do this, but I know better." Hiei put his hand on his katana. Yusuke and Kuwabara ran for their lives, chased by a fiery jaganshi.  
  
**Mission...........................................................failed.**  
  
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X  
  
A/N: There's more to come. Review!


	3. Plan 2: Naked pictures!

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X  
  
Botan met with Yusuke and Kuwabara. She was surprised that they still haven't gotten Kurama and Hiei to fall for each other yet. She was gone for a week. They have completed harder missions in a shorter amount of time.  
  
"One week and nothing?!" Botan asked.  
  
"I told you, we tried to get them together, but we needed that time to heal. Hiei almost killed us!" Yusuke said.  
  
"How could you think of peeping when you haven't finished the mission?!"  
  
"We thought we did!" Kuwabara said.  
  
"You should have stayed and made sure they got together!"  
  
"WHAT? WATCH THEM?" Kuwabara was horrified she even suggested it.  
  
"How else were you two going to be sure they were even together?" Botan asked. Hm. Good question.  
  
"There's no point in crying over spilled milk. We failed." Yusuke said.  
  
"Failed? No, it's just a minor setback." Botan said.  
  
"Hm?" Yusuke wondered.  
  
"Well, you have to try again!"  
  
"I'm not so sure we'll live if we see Hiei again." Yusuke said. How were they going to get Kurama and Hiei together?  
  
"Hey, Botan, what's that behind you?" Kuwabara asked. She turned around to look at her heavy briefcase.  
  
"Oh, it's just some spying equipment from Reikai." Botan said. Yusuke had an idea.  
  
"Hey, can we borrow this?"  
  
"Why?" Kuwabara asked.  
  
"Well, since we don't want to directly see them, why don't we just make videos of them, you know, when they're naked, and then send them to each other?" Yusuke suggested.  
  
"WHAT? EW!"  
  
"Why not? They never do anything when they're together because they don't do anything that would attract each other. These videos would just.......... give them a little push."  
  
"Great idea, Yusuke." Botan exclaimed. She handed them the equipment and then hopped on her oar.  
  
"Hey! Leaving again? Why don't you help us this time? It would be easier to tape them because you can float on that." Yusuke said.  
  
"Well, I have something to do." She said as she floated higher up on her oar. "Don't ruin the equipment, boys! Good luck!" Then she disappeared. Yusuke and Kuwabara looked at the equipment in their hands.  
  
"How do we work this?" Kuwabara asked.  
  
"Who knows?" Yusuke responded. After a few hours of experimenting, they learned that pressing the big black button records things and the big green button takes pictures and the small red button is the flash. The other scrolls and knobs were used for x-rays and other modes.  
  
Kuwabara decided he should stalk Hiei since Yusuke would be killed if Hiei saw him spying on him, although Kuwabara might die too because Hiei just despised him. They split up to track their targets.  
  
X X X X  
  
"Alright, Kurama should be easy to track. He's mostly at home all the time." Yusuke said. He set up his camera in a tree outside Kurama's window.  
  
Off in the distance, the school bell rang and Kurama exited the building. He casually brushed off the girls and proceeded to his house. When he got home, he made his meal and started his homework. Then he went downstairs to watch TV.  
  
Outside, Yusuke was bored to death. 'Doesn't he do anything interesting? For a youko, he's pretty dull.' Yusuke thought. His eyelids started to get heavy. 'So boring...' As Yusuke was almost asleep, Kurama started to undress. 'Woohoo! Some action!' Yusuke aimed the camera at Kurama. Then, he heard rustling behind him. He turned around to see a huge man-eating plant.  
  
"..................." Yusuke wasn't quite sure if that was a man-eating plant. Surely, someone as responsible as Kurama wouldn't just leave one around, right? Then, the plant dove for him. Yusuke turned around and ran for his life. The surrounding trees tried to prevent his escape.  
  
Inside, Kurama looked out his window.  
  
"A stalker? How foolish. I never thought those girls would actually try to peep at me." Kurama said.  
  
Outside Yusuke was blasting off the vines and branches trying to catch him.  
  
"A man-eating plant? Is he crazy?! What if I were a normal human? I would be dead by now!" Yusuke shouted as he tried to escape the clutches of the plant. Then, three huge plants with mouths opened wide tried to eat him. One finally caught him.  
  
"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!" Yusuke shouted. He felt searing pain all over his body. He tried blasting his way out, but they seemed to absorb his reiki. Then to his surprise, the plant spit him out. Yusuke turned around to finish it off, but it was no longer there. Everything looked like a normal bush and a normal tree. Yusuke blasted a tree to make sure, only to have it fall on top of him. After he crawled from under the tree, he realized that he left the camera in that tree by Kurama's window. Did he really want to get it back?  
  
X X X X  
  
Kuwabara was having no luck finding Hiei.  
  
"How can someone with three eyes be so hard to find?" Kuwabara said. For the past two hours, Kuwabara was tracking down every youki he could sense, except for Kurama. They all turned out to be sly demons. One demon managed to tear off his pants, so he was walking around in his boxers. Another managed to shave off half of his hair. Other demons managed to tear his shirt to shreds, leaving him with boxers that barely hung on.  
  
"I'm going to give that shrimp an ass-kicking once I finish this mission!"  
  
Finally, after another hour, he saw Hiei resting calmly on a tree branch. Kuwabara smirked and whipped out his camera. Kuwabara climbed up a tree a few feet from Hiei's. By the time he got on a branch to film Hiei, the jaganshi had already left. He cursed. He stretched his neck to look around to find that Hiei was by a clearing, attacking trees and rocks. It seemed like he was training. And luckily for Kuwabara, Hiei was shirtless. Kuwabara started filming.  
  
Hiei punched, kicked, somersaulted, back-flipped, and slashed with his sword, all the while filmed by Kuwabara. Goodie, Hiei was starting to sweat. After a good two hours, Hiei stopped his training, and disappeared. Kuwabara left his hiding place to see where Hiei went. The sound of water caught his ears. Hiei must be washing off his perspiration. This was just what he needed!  
  
Kuwabara found the little pool of water, and Hiei bathing in it. It wasn't all that great. Hiei didn't linger. He just swam around scrubbed his face with his hands, then dried himself with his flames, quickly dressed and left. Hiei moved so fast, Kuwabara wasn't sure if Kurama could even see Hiei naked even if he paused the tape.  
  
As Kuwabara was following Hiei, a big bulking demon got in his way. No! He couldn't stop to fight, or else he'd lose Hiei again. Kuwabara put down the camera and formed his sword. He circled the demon, lunged, and managed to kill the demon, but not before it managed to step on and crush the camera.  
  
"NOOOOOOO!" Kuwabara cried. He failed the mission. All that hard work, gone. He decided to follow Hiei anyway. He owed him an ass-kicking for making it so difficult to find him. As he followed Hiei's energy, he found the surroundings to be more familiar. They were by Genkai's temple. 'Yukina- san!' he thought.  
  
He found the stairs and ran into the temple. He burst into a room to find Yusuke in there. But.......was it Yusuke? His face and body seemed to be swollen. Yusuke turned around, with burns and boils all over his face.  
  
"AHH HAA HAAA HAA HAA HAA!" Kuwabara laughed. Yusuke squinted his eyes.  
  
"Ku-wa-ga-wa?" Yusuke mumbled. His lips and tongue were swollen too.  
  
"What the hell happened to you?" Kuwabara asked  
  
"Ku-wa-na." Yusuke said.  
  
"Ku.............ra.ma?"  
  
"Es" Yusuke said.  
  
"Kazuma-san?" Yukina said, as she entered the room. "Ah!" She moved her hands to cover her face.  
  
"Huh?" Kuwabara said. There was a huge blush on Yukina's face. Yusuke squinted at Kuwabara again.  
  
"AHH HAA HAA HAA HAA – ech –eh –eh" Yusuke managed to say before he choked.  
  
"Hm?" Kuwabara looked down. He was naked. Just as he covered himself, Hiei entered the room.  
  
"What the hell is so – " Hiei stopped and looked at Kuwabara. Yukina was still blushing and covering her eyes. Hiei unsheathed his katana.  
  
"How dare you walk around like that?" Hiei threatened.  
  
"What? NO! YOU did this to me!" Kuwabara said. He realized that his boxers must have been torn off when he was climbing up the tree to film Hiei.  
  
Hiei looked offended.  
  
"Me?" Hiei said.  
  
"Uh......." Kuwabara couldn't say he was stalking Hiei and wound up naked. No, that would make him sound perverted. Before he could come up with an answer, Hiei brought his sword down on Kuwabara.  
  
"How dare you show yourself like this to Yukina?!" Hiei yelled. He chased Kuwabara out of the temple.  
  
"What's all the commotion about?" Genkai asked as she entered. Yukina was still averting her eyes.  
  
"Yukina?" Genkai asked.  
  
"Ku-wa-ga-wa an Hi-ei" Yusuke mumbled. Genkai raised an eyebrow at him.  
  
"Damn, I told Kurama not to use those plants. He should use others to keep intruders out." Genkai said.  
  
**Mission...........................................................failed.**  
  
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X  
  
A/N: I'll try to get the next chapter out faster. 


	4. Plan 3: Jealous lover!

A/N: Not much humor. Just Botan's plan to get Kurama and Hiei humpin' and bumpin'.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

"I can't believe Kurama would put those things by his house." Yusuke said. It was a few days after he and Kuwabara decided to film the demons. He was finally able to speak clearly, after taking a few of Genkai's "remedies." Yusuke suspected that Genkai was just handing him random things to drink. He was bloated and had horrible gas after drinking different medicines. Sure, he could have just asked Kurama for a cure, but that would reveal that he was lurking around his house.

"Oi, Botan. Are you listening to me?" Yusuke asked.

"Where's Kuwa-chan?" Botan asked as she looked around.

"After that last encounter with Hiei, Kuwabara won't be joining us for a while."

"Oh. Is it that bad?"

"Let's just say that I would look like a god with those boils and lumps standing next to Kuwabara." Yusuke said dejectedly. Poor Kuwabara.

"Botan, are you sure Kurama and Hiei would be happy together? Kurama doesn't seem like he would betray us, and Hiei seemed happy attacking Kuwabara. Shouldn't we just let them be?"

"No!" Botan exclaimed. "We have to finish this mission so I can get back into – " Botan paused. "I mean, as their friends, we should make sure they get together."

Yusuke looked at her.

"What?" Botan asked.

"Botan.............what have you been up to lately? Usually you would help us out after giving us our mission, but you haven't helped us at all."

"It's nothing, nothing! Just a little.........side project." Botan nervously said.

"Alright, whatever. But, what do you plan to do about Kurama and Hiei? I'm ready to give up."

"No, I have just the plan. Let's go on a date with them!"

"And how will us dating them make them fall in love with each other?"

"Yusuke, don't you see? They'll be jealous and then they'll realize they loved each other all along. Then they'll fall into each other arms and kiss." Botan said, with her eyes twinkling.

"Yeah........... let's not get ahead of ourselves."

"Let's meet by that deserted park east of Genkai's temple. You find Hiei and convince him to go on a date, and I'll get Kurama." Botan said cheerily and was about to take off until Yusuke grabbed her arm.

"Wait. Why do I get Hiei? He already thinks I'm after him. He'll probably stab me on sight."

"Well Yusuke, would you rather face Hiei when he's jealous? I mean, if Hiei really wants Kurama, would you like to see what Hiei does if he can't get what he wants?"

"N-no thanks. I've had plenty of experiences with an angry Hiei. Fine, I'll date him." Yusuke said grumpily.

"Okay, we'll meet there in 30 minutes."

X X X X

Botan stood outside Kurama's door and rang his doorbell. After a few minutes, Kurama opened the door.

"Oh, Botan. Nice to see you. Does Koenma have another mission for us?" Kurama said.

"Oh, Kurama!" Botan said and fell into his arms. "How I've longed to see you, dearest."

"Huh?" Kurama said. He was puzzled.

"A-ano, Botan, are you feeling alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine now that I'm here, in your arms, my dearest love."

"Suiichi, who is it?" Shiori asked. She walked to the door to find a sighing, lightheaded Botan, grasping her dear son by the torso.

"Another one of Suiichi's classmates?" Shiori asked.

"Shiori-san! How nice to meet you. I am Botan. Kura- no, Suiichi-kun always spoke so highly of you." Botan said as she politely shook Shiori's hands.

"Oh, I see. You must be close if Suiichi speaks of me." Shiori said.

"Oh, I am." Botan smiled at her, holding Kurama's arm.

"I will leave you two alone." Shiori said, and left.

"No, mother – " Kurama was about to go after her, but Botan dragged him out the door.

"Oh, Kurama. I never thought we'd be alone. I've always wanted you." Botan embraced him again.

"Really? I would have thought you liked Koenma."

"Er.. Koenma" Botan snarled. Kurama gave her a strange look.

"I...I mean, no. I've only had my eyes on you." Botan sighed into his chest.

"Let's go on a date, my dear Suiichi. Somewhere we can be alone." Botan said as she dragged him in the direction of the park.

X X X X

Yusuke had found Hiei, but he was sleeping on a thick branch, high up on a tree somewhere near Genkai's temple. Yusuke didn't want to climb the tree. Ever since his encounter with Kurama's plants, Yusuke avoided any contact with plant life. Now here he was trying to get a date with a volatile demon where his potential jealous lover would spot them in a park full of dense vegetation.

'Great, Yusuke, you really thought this out.' Yusuke told himself. Now...... how to wake up Hiei without getting too close to that tree. Hmm....

"Oh boy, all that training with Genkai has made me really tough. I bet I could beat up any demon now." Yusuke said to himself loudly. Hopefully, Hiei heard. He did. A black blur appeared in front of him.

"Trained lately? Good. This would be a good opportunity to test out my new attack on you." Hiei said. Yusuke nervously laughed. He didn't plan for this to happen. He had been recovering from Kurama's plants; he hasn't trained at all!

"Let's not fight here. I don't want to destroy Genkai's temple. I know somewhere we could fight freely." Yusuke said. He led him to the deserted park.

X X X X

"Where the hell are we?" Hiei asked.

"It's a deserted park. Most humans stay away, so no one will intrude on us." Yusuke said.

"Hn." Hiei said. He took off his cloak and shirt and got ready to attack Yusuke. Yusuke, on the other hand, stood still and nervously looked around. 'Where the hell is Botan? I don't want to fight Hiei now. I might die. And there are no witnesses.' Yusuke thought as he looked around. Yup, they were all alone.

"What the hell are you looking for?" Hiei asked.

"Oh. Um.. nothing. Just admiring the scenery. Yeah, a lot of trees." Yusuke said nervously, expecting one of them to jump out and eat him. Hiei gave him a strange look, but he didn't care. He unsheathed his katana and lunged at Yusuke. Yusuke got into a fighting stance when.....

"Yusuke!" Botan shouted. Hiei stopped midway. Stupid girl. How dare she interrupt him. Great, Kurama was with her too. Now he definitely can't kill Yusuke. Damn, so close.

"Oh, Botan! What a surprise. What are you doing in this deserted park?" Yusuke asked.

"I'm just looking for a private place to spend time with Kurama." Botan said as she simultaneously pulled Kurama into her embrace.

"And what are you doing with Hiei all alone? Oh, it looks like you're sparring." Botan said disappointedly. She shot Yusuke a mean glance. 'What the hell? He's supposed to be dating Hiei, not fighing him!' she thought.

"Since you two are busy, we'll go somewhere else. I think there's a festival in town. Let's go check it out, Botan." Kurama said.

"Wait! I want to go too!" Yusuke said. He changed his mind. He didn't like being all alone with Hiei.

"Stop whining. We're fighting." Hiei said curtly. He pointed his katana at Yusuke. Botan got an idea.

"Yusuke, why don't you fight Hiei now and then come to the festival with us later? We'll wait for you." Botan said.

"No. I don't-" Yusuke started.

"Take off your shirt so it won't get ripped." Botan said slyly. Yusuke caught onto her plan.

"Right. Just hang around for a while until we're done." Yusuke said. "But don't go to far!" Yusuke added. In case he needed backup, Kurama wouldn't be far off. Botan smiled and led Kurama to sit on a rotting bench. They were far enough so Yusuke and Hiei could fight easily, but close enough so Kurama could watch them fight and where Hiei could see them if he chose so.

Yusuke took off his shirt and got ready to fight. Hiei immediately charged and Yusuke dodged most of the blows. Yusuke jumped onto the tree branches to escape, but Hiei easily caught up. Hiei threw the katana away and was using his fists now. Black flames started to burst from his fists and they were burning Yusuke. He turned to get away, but a heavy branch got in his way. Strange, he could have sworn the branch just moved. He didn't have a second longer to ponder as Hiei's attack almost got his face. He back flipped and descended onto the ground. Yeah, the ground was much safer.

The flames started to make both parties perspire. They both got pretty worn out and couldn't dodge each other's attacks much longer. Yusuke's spirit bullets and Hiei's shots of youki were starting to take their toll. Yusuke didn't have that much energy left. He prepared to jump high into the trees and hopefully catch Hiei off guard. He leaped, but something was holding him down. Yusuke looked down. What the hell? When did a swamp emerge underneath him? Yusuke was stuck and Hiei charged at him with his right fist ablaze with fire. His fist collided with Yusuke's chest and then Hiei's youki exploded. That sent Yusuke flying back a hundred feet. Hiei won the fight.

Both were sweating profusely and breathing hard. Botan and Kurama heard the explosion. Botan quickly ran to Yusuke. She used her powers to heal what she could.

"OW! I knew I shouldn't have fought that shrimp!" Yusuke yelled. He looked over at Hiei. He was laying on the grass with Kurama leaning over him. Grass? Wasn't it a swamp earlier? Yusuke tried to get up, expecting it to hurt like hell, but it didn't. Botan's healing powers must be getting better.

"Are you alright?" Botan asked.

"I'll live." Yusuke responded.

"Oh, it was great. You should have seen Kurama! He couldn't stop looking at you two. He was definitely jealous!" Botan exclaimed.

"I wish I could be happier, but my ribs don't feel like celebrating." Yusuke said dejectedly. He knew Kurama was interfering with the fight. Oh well, at least he got Kurama jealous. He slowly put on his shirt, which was covered in little debris.

Botan and Yusuke were looking at the demons. Kurama had summoned some plants to heal Hiei's injuries. Oh yeah, Kurama's hands were moving all over Hiei's torso. Surely Kurama didn't enjoy watching Hiei and Yusuke get all hot and sweaty with each other. Botan ran over to Kurama and hugged him. By doing so, Kurama's hand slipped and grazed Hiei's wound.

"Kisama!" Hiei cursed. "Stupid girl." Hiei grumbled and glared at Botan. Yay, Hiei was jealous. No wait, he was just pissed. Damn.

"Now that they're done fighting, we can go to the festival, right?" Botan said.

"Um. I don't know. Is Yusuke okay?" Kurama asked.

"He's fine." Botan said.

"Hiei, do you want to come with us?" Kurama asked.

"Hn. Hang around with stupid humans all night. I don't think so." Hiei said. He tried to leave, but Kurama grabbed his arm.

"I don't think so. After fighting with Yusuke, you must be exhausted. Even a bunch of lower class demons could hurt you now." Kurama said.

"Hn. Let them try." Hiei said. Kurama tightened his grip and pulled him closer.

"No. If you get hurt now, you won't be able to fight when Koenma gives us an assignment. And part of our agreement is to help Yusuke and Kuwabara on their missions." Kurama said firmly. Hiei yanked his arm out of Kurama's grasp and grumbled. That meant he was going with them.

"Come on, let's go!" Botan said.

X X X X

Yusuke was pissed that Hiei came along. He just wanted to have fun at the festival. They were looking at all the games and foods that were available. Botan wanted a stuffed animal. Kurama won the game and gave her a huge stuffed animal. She jumped with joy and hugged Kurama. She even kissed him on the cheek. Yusuke looked at Hiei. No reaction.

Throughout the rest of the festival, Botan held Kurama's hand. Anyone passing by would have thought they were boyfriend and girlfriend. Kurama won a bunch of other prizes for Botan and Yusuke ended up carrying most of them. Since when was he her servant?

They passed by a booth selling ice cream. Hiei stopped at the booth. Kurama knew he wanted a chocolate scoop on a cone. Hiei, not having any human money, was about to take it by force. Kurama took out his wallet, but Yusuke beat him to it. He got Hiei three scoops and tousled his hair when he handed it to him. Hiei didn't mind. Kurama turned around and pretended not to see that. Hiei was happily licking his ice cream.

They stopped at another booth when they got hungry. Botan was feeding Kurama his food. Hiei made a disgusted sound. Was he jealous or just appalled by the display of affection?

Later, Hiei wanted to play a game. It was kind of like darts, except with little knives. Yeah, Hiei loved the game. Botan and Kurama were standing by the edge of the booth, hand in hand, when a knife whizzed past Botan, cutting off a few strands of her hair. Botan screamed and buried herself in Kurama's chest. They heard a little growl. They both looked at Hiei.

"My hand slipped." Hiei said. Hiei won a little plastic katana, which he burned to wax and threw in Botan's direction. Kurama chided him, but Hiei didn't seem to listen.

Later, they walked along the beach. Botan and Kurama held hands, but she wasn't leaning into his chest. It was nighttime and the moon was hanging above them. The sounds of the festival weren't too far off. Fireworks explode in the sky above, illuminating the night. They all watch the little explosions, enjoying the shapes and colors in the sky. After a while, they kept walking along the beach. Botan comments what a clear sky it is that night. They could see so many stars. Kurama points out a few constellations, holding her close so he could point her finger at the stars.

"I think I'm feeling better now." Hiei said, disturbing Botan and Kurama.

"Yeah, me too." Yusuke said.

"Those stupid fireworks gave me a headache." Hiei said, and turned to leave.

"W-wait, Hiei." Botan said. Hiei gave her a death glare. How dare she address him after smothering Kurama all night?

"Shouldn't you let Kurama check on your wounds first?" Botan asked.

"I'm fine. All my cuts are gone by now." Hiei said.

"Wait, she's right. Let me see." Kurama said. Hiei snarled at him.

"Don't touch me." Hiei said and disappeared. Kurama was about to chase him, but he turned around and looked at Botan.

"Um.. sorry the date has to end like this......" Kurama said.

"It's okay. Go after Hiei. Who knows what he'll do when he's mad." Botan said. Kurama smiled at her and ran off after Hiei.

"Yes! Hiei is definitely jealous!" Yusuke said.

"I know. I thought Hiei really didn't care, but this proves otherwise, right?" Botan said. Yes, their plan had finally worked!

"There she is!" a girl screamed.

"Huh?" Botan turned around to see who said that. There wasn't one girl, but many girls.

"Um.... Who are you all?" Yusuke asked.

"She's the girl. The one with Minamino-kun!" Another girl said.

"Yeah. She was holding hands with him." Another one said.

"You don't deserve to go out with him."

"He's too good for you!"

"How dare you pollute his aura with your filthy presence?!" Soon, they were all muttering angry insults at her. Then, they all charged after her.

"Um.... I think I'm going to look for Kurama and Hiei and check to see if they hooked up." Yusuke said.

"What? NO! Help me! The number one delinquent, Yusuke Urameshi, should scare them all off!" Botan pleaded.

"I don't think even I could hold them all off." Yusuke said. Botan shouted in frustration and then ran for her life. Who said humans needed protecting? They seem pretty strong when united for one cause (or one teenage obsession in this case).

**Mission**...........................................................**success?**

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

A/N: There will be more chapters.


	5. Plan 4: Viagra!

A/N: Yay! I updated! Sorry it's not so long.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

Yusuke and Kuwabara were outside the theatre waiting for Kurama and Hiei to show up. It was a week after the "dates" Yusuke and Botan went on. Botan still couldn't show her face in town. It was like a military take-over, except obsessive teenage girls were the soldiers. One poor girl thought it would be cool to dye her hair blue, but the girls, who mistook her for Botan, hunted her down. Kurama wasn't fairing any better. He was constantly questioned at school about who his girlfriend was. A week later, he still couldn't convince them that it was a one-time date.

"Urameshi, are you sure we were supposed to meet them here?" Kuwabara asked.

"Yes. At 2PM." Yusuke answered.

"How did you convince Hiei to come anyway?"

"I said we had a mission."

"I see." Kuwabara said. Yusuke looked at his watch. 2:12.

"Strange. It's not like Kurama to be late." Yusuke said.

"Maybe him and Hiei are caught up doing something." Kuwabara sniggered.

"Well, only one way to find out." After twenty more minutes, a man with a long coat, bucket hat, and sunglasses showed up with Hiei at his side.

"Kurama?" Yusuke asked.

"Yeah, Yusuke." Kurama answered.

"Why are you dressed like that?"

"I didn't want any girls to follow me." Kurama answered.

"So how are you two?" Yusuke asked.

"We're fine." Hiei said gruffly. "Where's the mission supposed to be?"

"Right here." Yusuke pointed to the theatre.

"I don't sense demons in there." Hiei said.

"Well, it's not really a mission. I just thought we could hang out as friends." Yusuke said.

"Yeah. I mean, all we really do is fight. We never really get to know each other." Kuwabara added.

"So, Kurama, how well did you get to know Hiei?" Yusuke asked.

"Um... what do you mean by that?" Kurama questioned.

"Well, you know...... last week, you chased after Hiei. You two seemed to have some trouble. I thought you two just got things sorted out, and got to know each other better...." Yusuke said, with a sly grin on his face.

"What the hell are you talking about? I left because I couldn't stand to be around you stupid humans for so long." Hiei grumbled.

"But I thought Kurama went after him." Kuwabara wondered.

"Well, of course. I wanted to make sure Hiei wouldn't do anything drastic because he was so mad." Kurama said.

"Was he mad because he was jealous?" Yusuke hoped. Hiei shot him a mean glance. Right, Hiei doesn't get jealous. He just gets angry and frustrated. The fates aren't kind enough to make Yusuke's mission easy.

"Kch. I'm not obligated to be with you if it's not a mission." Hiei said. He wanted to leave.

"But we'd be better partners if we knew each other." Yusuke said.

"Hn. I don't want to know any of you."

"It's a movie, Hiei. You might like it. We could see an action film. You'll get to watch humans kill each other." Kurama said.

"Hn." Hiei followed them into the theatre.

Because Kurama and Hiei were late, the action film was already starting. The place was crowded, and they had a hard time finding a place where they could all sit together. Hiei wanted to leave when he saw how many people there were, but Yusuke and Kuwabara wouldn't let him. They found a couple of seats near the front. Yusuke and Kuwabara made sure they sat together. It was a stretch that Kurama would get scared and cuddle Hiei, but they could hope. Yusuke grabbed Kuwabara and told them they wanted refreshments.

"Who cares about the food? We're missing the film!" Kuwabara said.

"Come on, we're not really here for the movie. Did you get what I asked for?" Yusuke asked.

"I'll give it to you later!" Kuwabara hushed and looked around embarrassed.

"Take it out now!"

"Why?!" Kuwabara was red in the face.

"We're going to drop it into their drinks." Yusuke said.

"Oh! I see. I thought you just wanted it for personal use."

"Idiot! Why would I need it?"

"Um... can I help you?" the worker asked.

"Yes. Two large popcorns and drinks." Yusuke said. They paid for their food and headed back to the theatre. Kuwabara took out the viagra pills and crushed them so it would dissolve in the drink. They handed the salty popcorn to Kurama and Hiei to share, and the drink with viagra in it to them while Yusuke and Kuwabara shared the other. Whoops, they only took three straws. Guess Kurama and Hiei would have to share one.

As the movie progressed, the salty popcorn made Kurama and Hiei take long sips from the drink. Not only that, they started to get a strange feeling in their lower abdomen. They both started to feel uncomfortable. They asked Kuwabara and Yusuke if the food tasted strange. They answered that they felt completely normal. Yusuke suggested that maybe it was just the fact that they were so close to each other, in the dark, slurping from the same straw.....

Hiei and Kurama just dismissed it as bad food and stopped eating. Too late, the drug's effect was taking place.

The movie ended and people were emptying out the theatre. Hiei was disappointed. He thought real people were actually going to kill each other. Too bad it was only on film.

Kurama and Hiei couldn't ignore their bodies anymore. They both quickly left to the bathroom. There was actually a short line. Yusuke and Kuwabara stood near the exit, waiting for their friends.

"Ah hah hah! Once they have sex, they'll get together. I mean, we've almost gotten killed trying to get them to fall in love. This way is so much easier." Yusuke said.

"Are you sure they'll be happy though?" Kuwabara asked.

"Sex makes everyone happy!" Yusuke yelled a little too loudly.

"Well...... should we check up on them?" Kuwabara asked.

"We'll just quickly stick our heads in."

"Yeah, there's no point in lingering."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

".................."

"SO STICK YOUR HEAD IN!" Kuwabara yelled.

"I don't want to see them!"

"Horny demon sex was your idea!"

"I came up with the plan! So just do your part and just see if it worked!" Kuwabara argued. They were making quite a scene. People were starting to look. They calmed down.

"I know. How about we just put our ears to the wall. If we hear the noises, we'll know they're too busy fucking to notice us."

"Yeah, then we'll quickly peek in to see that they are actually doing it and we'll have completed our mission!" Kuwabara chirped.

Carefully, the two made it inconspicuously to the bathroom. There was no longer a line. The duo pressed their ears to the wall. They heard two sets of shoes scramble to the bathroom stall. They heard a lock click and clothes rustling.

"Dammit, I can't get it off faster." Hiei said.

"Then why do you wear so many belts?" Kurama asked.

"Finally!" Hiei exclaimed as they heard pants drop to the floor.

"Ah! That feels so good." Kurama said.

"I never thought something this big would be in my ass." Hiei said.

"Ah! Argh!" Kurama yelled.

"Fuck! There's so much!" Hiei cursed. Kuwabara and Yusuke heard disgusted groans of the other guys in the bathroom. Soon, the door opened and a hoard of guys left the bathroom.

"That's so disgusting," one guy said. They heard more moans and groans for a while longer. Yusuke felt something wet on his shoulder. He turned around to see Kuwabara crying.

"What's wrong?" Yusuke asked.

"I...I.. never thought I'd be this happy to hear two guys fuck," he sniffled.

"Stop crying! We still need visual confirmation!"

"Ok. Ok!" Kuwabara dried his tears and they pushed the door to the bathroom slowly. There was no one in there except the demons. There was a horrible stench though. The theatre staff needs to clean their toilets more often. Then they heard water splashing. Water?

Yusuke saw two sets of feet, but they were in different stalls. Hmm... if people have sex, shouldn't they be in the same stall?

"Kurama, Hiei?" Kuwabara yelled.

"Kisama! What the hell did you do to our food?" Hiei cursed.

"What are you talking about?" Yusuke said.

"Yusuke! We started to feel funny after we ate your food!" Kurama said. He groaned again, and they heard water splashing again.

"Oh no." Kuwabara said. He fumbled around his pocket and took out the pills.

"What is it?" Yusuke asked.

"Vi....gra (1)...... laxative" Kuwabara stated.

"WHAT?!" Yusuke and Kurama yelled together. Yusuke and Kuwabara realized the mistake and quickly ran out of the theatre. They kept running until they were somewhere near Genkai's temple.

"LAXATIVE?! You gave them laxatives?" Yusuke yelled.

"How did I know? I can't read English that well!" Kuwabara confessed.

"Great! Now they'll never get together. Who the hell wants to have sex with someone they heard shitting logs out of their ass? And not only that! Once Kurama tells Hiei what laxatives are, he'll track us down and kill us for sure!" Yusuke said.

"Oh no! Hiei will think we tried to poison him!"

"Argh! I give up! This is an impossible mission!"

"Now what do we do?" Kuwabara asked. They looked around.

"I know! Let's stay in Genkai's temple! Yukina will be in there!" Yusuke said.

"Ah! That's right! Genkai will teach us new fighting techniques against Hiei and Kurama won't kill us in front of Yukina-san!"

"Um........ yeah." Yusuke said. He hoped Hiei wouldn't kill them in front of his sister.

**Mission**...........................................................**failed**.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

(1) I don't really know any brand names of laxatives, so I made one up.


	6. Mission Success?

A/N: Hmm. I haven't done this in my other stories, but I would like to give a **_HUGE_** thanks to all my reviewers. Especially **SylphEater**, _ZeliaTheb_, **figured shadow**, _angel of darkness flame_, **Su da 'mazin bannana eater**, _Black Heart Dragon 17_, and **Mizustarangel**. (bold and italics don't mean anything, it's just easier to read) I love you guys. Don't get offended if I didn't mention you, it's just those people reviewed on my other fics too and this is the one time I'm thanking you guys all at once. (yes, I'm lazy) Reviews make my world go round.

A/N 2: This is the last chapter. Will the demons get together or will Yusuke and Kuwabara's suffering be for nothing?

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

Botan was finally brave enough to show up near Genkai's temple. There were no hormone-driven girls there. Yusuke and Kuwabara were also there. Their plan was working seeing as Hiei and Kurama haven't attacked yet.

"What the hell? It's been a month since we started this mission. At this rate, I'll never get my evidence through." Botan mumbled to herself.

"Botan?" Yusuke asked.

"Hm? Oh, what is it, Yusuke?" Botan said cheerily.

"Weren't you just plotting something evil?"

"Of course not. I would never do something like that!" Botan laughed. 'Stupid Koenma.'

"Well, Kuwabara and I just want you to know that we quit." Yusuke stated.

"WHAT?! NO, you can't!"

"Why not? I'd rather face Hiei and Kurama in battle than get them together." Kuwabara said.

"Yeah, I don't think we've been this bruised in our battles."

"Well, how about one last plan, please?" Botan begged with googly eyes and a puckered lower lip.

"NO! No more direct contact with those two!" Kuwabara screeched.

"Yeah, we don't want to live in Genkai's temple for the rest of our lives. I mean, I'm pretty sure this is the only place keeping us alive. If we tried anything else on them, they'll kill us on the spot. They won't even bother chasing us." Yusuke said.

Oh no. If Yusuke and Kuwabara quit, that would mean she had to get the demons together herself.

"What if there was a way to get them both to fall in love without having to persuade them?" Botan proposed.

"NO MORE PLANS!" Yusuke shouted.

"Please? If this doesn't work, we'll forget about the mission immediately. I promise!" Botan begged again.

"NO!" the boys yelled.

"I see. Then I guess Keiko won't mind if I show her these dirty magazines I found under Yusuke's bed. And maybe Shizuru won't mind that Kuwa-chan took 5000 yen to buy cat toys for Eikichi." Botan said to herself.

Who knew Botan was so manipulative?

"That's blackmail." Yusuke said.

"Is it? I thought I would keep this to myself since you two were my friends, but seeing as you won't help me, I guess I'll have no choice but to tell them. And who else knows what else I've seen floating on my oar....."

"Alright. We get your point. Man, you have way too much time on your hands." Yusuke said. Botan giggled and bounced up and down. This is it, the final plan! It had to work!

Botan revealed a vial concealed in the sleeve of her kimono. It had a red liquid inside.

"What the hell is that?" Yusuke asked.

"It's a love potion." Botan responded.

"WHAT?! I thought those things didn't exist!" Kuwabara yelled.

"Well, it's not supposed to. This is the last vial that exists. Enma-daiou (1) said that it was too dangerous because whoever drank it would fall madly in love with the first person they see. You can see how dangerous criminals could use it to their advantage. So, Enma-daiou ordered the potion and recipe to be destroyed." Botan said. Yusuke grabbed the vial from Botan.

"Cool! Imagine how many girls we can get to fall in love with us if we use this!" Yusuke beamed.

Botan whacked him over the head with her oar and took the potion back.

"This is the last vial that exists! It's only good for two more doses; and we will use it to make Kurama and Hiei fall in love." Botan stated.

"So how did you get this?" Kuwabara asked.

"Well, we all know how careless Koenma-sama can be at times. The vial was just lying around his room. I found it about a month ago and was going to return it to the vault, but then this mission got in the way. So, we might as well use it." Botan said.

"Then, how would we get them to swallow it? They certainly won't eat or drink anything we give them after what happened last time." Yusuke said.

"I figured out a plan. They won't trust you, but they'll believe me. I will tell Kurama that Koenma-sama has given us a new mission, and he should meet us in the empty warehouse by the pier. I'll tell him to bring Hiei. When they get there, you guys will tackle them and knock them out. I'll give them a dose of the potion and when they wake up, they'll see each other and fall in love. Then, our mission is accomplished!" Botan said happily.

"Ok. We'll head out to the warehouse and plan an ambush. We'll wait for you there." Kuwabara said. And with the knowledge that this is the last plan, the boys happily and quickly headed to the warehouse.

Botan hopped on her oar and flew towards Kurama's house. Hopefully he would be home.

X X X X

She reached his house and looked into his room. He wasn't in there. However, his mother was. Botan changed into her human form and knocked on the door. Shiori answered the door.

"Oh! Botan-chan. It's nice to see you again." Shiori said.

"Shiori-san. Nice to see you too. I'm looking for Kur--Suiichi-kun. Is he home?"

"No, he's at his school. The biology club was working on a project."

"Oh. Thank you." Botan said and waved to her as she left. She hopped on her oar and headed for his school.

When she got there, most of the school was empty. She asked a nearby student where the biology club was. The girl told her that the club was in room 325 but the meeting should have been over by now.

Botan ran towards the room, but it was empty. Disappointed, she turned to leave, when she heard Kurama's voice.

"Mm. I've been waiting all day for this." Kurama said. Botan turned her head in the direction of the voice. It was coming from the boys' locker room. She quietly sneaked over to the doors and crouched down. She heard a moan.

"I know you've been watching me all day." Kurama spoke.

A gasp.

"It's been quite a hassle to see you without the teachers noticing." Kurama whispered.

A moan.

"Sneaking around the school with you is so exciting. I know you've been horny since gym class. You love watching me change, don't you?" Kurama teased.

Botan heard someone being thrown against the locker and kissing noises. Then she heard deep moaning and clothes rustling.

"Feisty, aren't we?" Kurama questioned.

There were more moans. Then Botan heard Kurama cry out.

'No! No! Nonononono! This can't be happening. Kurama is supposed to be fucking Hiei, not one of his classmates! That lecherous youko!' Botan thought. She needed Yusuke and Kuwabara to break up those two.

Botan snuck away from the locker room and then boarded her oar. She flew as fast as she could to the warehouse. Once she got there, she ran inside- into a huge net. She tumbled backwards, into a rope and was dragged, feet first into the air. Then, Yusuke jumped into view from the shadows, shooting a spirit bullet at her. She screamed.

Her yells got Yusuke's attention. He shot another bullet to deflect the other one. Then, Kuwabara jumped down from above and ran towards Yusuke with his Spirit Sword in his hands. When he got close enough to see that it was Yusuke, it was too late to stop. He crashed into him and they both went tumbling towards the exit.

"What the hell are you two doing?!" Botan yelled from above.

"Yusuke? I thought you were Kurama." Kuwabara said.

"Is this what you two call an ambush? You couldn't tell me apart from a demon?"

"Hey! It was dark!" Yusuke defended himself. The boys finally got themselves untangled from each other.

"Anyway, where are our demons?" Yusuke asked.

"We have a problem." Botan started. "But let me down first!" After they got her down, she told them that she heard Kurama and one of his classmates feeling each other up in the locker room.

"But doesn't Kurama love Hiei?" Kuwabara wondered.

"I'm sure he does. This thing with the other boy is probably just a fling. You know Kurama, he IS a youko after all. It's just lust." Botan said.

"So how do we solve this 'problem'? Do we kill the other guy?" Kuwabara asked.

"We can still go forward with our plan, except, we knock Kurama out in the locker room. Then we'll find Hiei and put him unconscious too. We'll have better chances if we fight two to one." Yusuke said. Kuwabara and Botan agreed and the trio headed to the school.

Botan led them to the locker room, where the boys prepared to jump Kurama. They snuck behind the lockers.

Yusuke jumped from the locker and fired a spirit bullet at the lovers. Kurama dodged it at the last second, and so did his lover.

Wait, normal humans aren't able to see spirit bullets, or dodge them.

"What the hell are you doing, detective?" the lover asked. It was Hiei. Actually, it was a half naked Hiei. Yusuke screamed. Kuwabara ran into the scene. He screamed as well.

"You two are together?!" Yusuke asked.

"Uh..... yeah." Kurama blushed.

"S-since when?" Kuwabara asked.

"Well, a few days ago. I mean, over the past month, we started to feel something for each other." Kurama revealed.

"I see." Botan said, emerging from behind the lockers. "Well I guess we'll leave you two alone now." She said perkily. Botan grabbed Yusuke and Kuwabara and left.

X X X X

Outside the school, the trio was talking.

"You couldn't tell Kurama's lover was Hiei?" Yusuke asked Botan.

"He didn't speak, only Kurama did!" Botan said.

"Oh well. At least they're finally together. My plan with the viagra pills must have worked. They got together a few days after the movie." Yusuke said.

"No way, Urameshi! They were laxatives, remember?" Kuwabara yelled.

"And whose fault was that?" Yusuke asked.

"No! It was my jealous date plan that worked!" Botan argued.

X X X X

"I knew those three were up to something." Hiei said. They were watching the three argue outside the school.

"Well, all of their plans backfired on them anyway. But you can't say you didn't enjoy the time at the hot springs." Kurama said.

"Hn. Are you going to tell them that we were fucking long before they started their stupid plans?"

"No. They might go mad if they find out their suffering was all for nothing."

"Hn." Hiei smirked.

"What's so funny?"

"I wonder what they'll do if we told them we broke up?"

X X X X

A week later in Reikai.............

Incriminating photos of Koenma have surfaced. It seemed he had bought many rare delicacies from the Makai that were banned by Enma-daiou. The pictures showed Koenma stuffing his gluttonous face with the food. For his punishment, he received 5000 spankings.

Botan finally got her revenge.

**Mission**...........................................................**completed**.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

(1) Enma-daiou means King Enma.

A/N: Congrats to Hakudoshi-chan for figuring out the ending.


End file.
